I like how your site is set up. The picture you chose for your title is gorgeous, and I like that it heads each page and the story is below it. I LOVE your introduction. Writing it like an author's note from Shashthi allows the audience to connect with the goddess as the storyteller, explains what the story book is about, and allows Shashthi to give a background of herself in an entertaining way. I suggest making the author's notes at the end of your stories from Shasthi. Maybe she could be a little sassy about how Vyasa tells the Mahabharata stories, since he cursed two of his own sons because their mothers were creeped out by the way Vyasa looked. My only suggestion for revision is to run your intro through Grammarly to help you catch your extra commas and sentence structure.
Thanks for sharing! I'm bookmarking your page because I'm looking forward to your stories!
Interesting premise; I think this is the first story I read where it wasn't based on the Ramayana haha. Unfortunately, I don't know very much about the source material so I won't be able to offer any advice on the content. Since the source is something that most of us aren't very familiar with, I would suggest defining some of the newer terms, such as vahana. Also, everything is in past-tense but the last part in "After the sixth time her child was stolen from her, this woman FINALLY realized why her children kept being taken from her, she began begging me to forgive her" is written in present-tense. I suggest changing "began begging" to just "begged". I think that would help the sentence flow a lot more better. Anyways that's all the advice I have, hope I helped and good luck with the project!
Hi Savanna! You have created a great Introduction. I really enjoyed how you formed the Introduction as a letter. More so, I like how the story is told from Shashthi's perspective, which explains the title of the Storybook - "In the Eyes of Shashthi." When we place ourselves in another person's shoes we begin to think, feel, and see with new lenses. I think you did exactly this when you wrote from Shashthi's perspective. It was very creative of you to do that! There was only one part that as a reader I wanted a little more details about. You said, "Personally, I have plenty of experience in giving life as well as taking it away." Then you dive right into a story about an experience about taking life away. Would it be possible to explain a story about giving life too? If it is in the stories that you will explain stories about Shashthi giving life, maybe you could allude to that directly in the Introduction? It seems like in your last paragraph that Shashthi will be narrating stories of birth stories? Are these stories connected to her giving life? Overall, you have created an Introduction that pulls in the readers, so you have done a great job! I cannot wait to see what you do next when you create your stories! Keep it up!
Hi Savannah, I think it is a creative idea to tell your stories from the perspective of a goddess. The introduction was helpful in preparing me for the story, and established the premise well. I liked how the goddess was vengeful about her cat getting beat up on by the father. Going into the first story, I thought the choice to do Satyavati's story was a good move. I was wondering, what if you gave Shashthi more agency? She seems like more of a passive narrator rather than having impact on the events themselves. In the introduction, it seemed like she was going to play more of a role in influencing things. Maybe add an active element where she breaks up the King's basket? I do not know much about Shashthi though, maybe she would need the help of another god or goddess? I think you have a good idea here, and I enjoyed reading your story. Looking forward to seeing more!
Howdy Savannah, First off, I really enjoy the style of your site. Your page looks really clean, while still keeps things interesting. Your introduction is really informative and definitely draws the reader in. I really liked the reskinning of the Venus de Milo painting- I had not seen that before and it really communicates a lot about your story. That specific painting sets the tone for your first story very well. Further, I really like the perspective you have taken with the stories coming from the perspective of the goddess herself. I think this allows a good deal of complexity to the tales as we are given a bit more insight into the variability of life. Having the stories come from what one would expect to be an omniscient source and then learning this source is unable to predict all that could affect her plan is really interesting. I’m excited to read more. Best of luck!
Hi Savannah, Your cover photo is so beautiful! I love the color of it. I did think it was kind of odd that you have to click on the see comment wall here to just click the link. It may be a little less confusing. It also would be nice to have a description of the types of stories that we expect to see and know why you the author chose this topic. I like that you are doing it from a character’s perspective that is interesting. It is fun hearing about her anger in the intro about protecting her cat. It gives her as a character dimension. I also like hoe conceded she is. It is funny reading about a narcissist. You did a good job with the story. To be honest this was one of my least favorite stories we read in class. I definitely prefer your story over that one.
Hey Savannah! What a wonderful concept! To start with, the drop down menu for your comment wall was definitely unique. Have you considered using a button? Your introduction is very well written and was an excellent introduction to the narrator. I don't recall reading about Shashthi. Did I just miss her or did you learn about her outside of this class? The first person point of view really allowed the goddess' personality to come through. I definitely appreciated her dedication to her pet! I think it was nice that she did eventually forgive the poor girl. I know a lot of the greek gods and goddesses tend to hold grudges for a LONG time (*cough cough* Hera). Your first story was a wonderful adaptation to "Vyasa and Ganesha" and, in my opinion, was actually more fun to read. I can't wait to read more of your stories! Keep up the great work!
Hi Savannah, This is such an interesting concept for a storybook! Right away just clicking to your storybook was amazing with the image you chose of the red and blue arch. It pops with color and energy and I already wanted to read and look at everything! The idea to use your goddess as the narrator is amazing and the picture you chose for the introduction was perfectly suited. Right away my eyes were drawn to the cat which is a large part of her story and you explained everything so well about the goddess that I understood your storybook concept and how you were going to tie everything together. For the Miraculous Birth of Satyavati I think the image is perfect, it is bright and eye-catching, it’s right at the top, and once you read along in the story, everything comes together well. It is such a great idea and I’m looking forward to more stories. The images are wonderful, and I think they really help your storybook. – Jillienne Kirkpatrick
Savannah, I really like your storybook's concept. I think it is super interesting to learn about characters that I have not been introduced to in the readings I have done. Shashthi sounds like a really character. I really like how you set your book up. I love the image you chose as your banner image. It draws the eye in without distracting from the title of the work. I also like the pictures you used on the story pages. I think it is helpful for readers to be able to have a visual of what the characters look like. The introduction being in first person from Shashthi's point of view is a really fun way to hear these stories. I really enjoyed your story. It is a story that I was familiar with, but getting to hear Shashthi's side of it made it that much most interesting. Reading her thoughts and feelings in the story made her very personable.
Hello Savanna, I have to agree with most of the people who have already commented, the picture you chose for the beginning of your blog is great. The setup of the blog is very well arranged! When you chose to be Shashthi and talk in first person, as her it makes it very fun to read because it starts to seem like it is actually her speaking and not you. You use great pictures throughout your blog, and it gives it more depth into the stories. Everyone likes to see pictures when they are reading, and you have done a great job so far on keeping an individuals’ attention. The flow of your stories matches well with one another and I like how you keep the stories never seem dull or like they drag on. If I was to give any advice, it would be to just keep up with your creativity! Good job.
Hi Savannah,
ReplyDeleteI like how your site is set up. The picture you chose for your title is gorgeous, and I like that it heads each page and the story is below it. I LOVE your introduction. Writing it like an author's note from Shashthi allows the audience to connect with the goddess as the storyteller, explains what the story book is about, and allows Shashthi to give a background of herself in an entertaining way. I suggest making the author's notes at the end of your stories from Shasthi. Maybe she could be a little sassy about how Vyasa tells the Mahabharata stories, since he cursed two of his own sons because their mothers were creeped out by the way Vyasa looked. My only suggestion for revision is to run your intro through Grammarly to help you catch your extra commas and sentence structure.
Thanks for sharing! I'm bookmarking your page because I'm looking forward to your stories!
-Eden
Hello Savannah,
ReplyDeleteInteresting premise; I think this is the first story I read where it wasn't based on the Ramayana haha. Unfortunately, I don't know very much about the source material so I won't be able to offer any advice on the content. Since the source is something that most of us aren't very familiar with, I would suggest defining some of the newer terms, such as vahana. Also, everything is in past-tense but the last part in "After the sixth time her child was stolen from her, this woman FINALLY realized why her children kept being taken from her, she began begging me to forgive her" is written in present-tense. I suggest changing "began begging" to just "begged". I think that would help the sentence flow a lot more better. Anyways that's all the advice I have, hope I helped and good luck with the project!
Hi Savanna! You have created a great Introduction. I really enjoyed how you formed the Introduction as a letter. More so, I like how the story is told from Shashthi's perspective, which explains the title of the Storybook - "In the Eyes of Shashthi." When we place ourselves in another person's shoes we begin to think, feel, and see with new lenses. I think you did exactly this when you wrote from Shashthi's perspective. It was very creative of you to do that! There was only one part that as a reader I wanted a little more details about. You said, "Personally, I have plenty of experience in giving life as well as taking it away." Then you dive right into a story about an experience about taking life away. Would it be possible to explain a story about giving life too? If it is in the stories that you will explain stories about Shashthi giving life, maybe you could allude to that directly in the Introduction? It seems like in your last paragraph that Shashthi will be narrating stories of birth stories? Are these stories connected to her giving life? Overall, you have created an Introduction that pulls in the readers, so you have done a great job! I cannot wait to see what you do next when you create your stories! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi Savannah,
ReplyDeleteI think it is a creative idea to tell your stories from the perspective of a goddess. The introduction was helpful in preparing me for the story, and established the premise well. I liked how the goddess was vengeful about her cat getting beat up on by the father. Going into the first story, I thought the choice to do Satyavati's story was a good move. I was wondering, what if you gave Shashthi more agency? She seems like more of a passive narrator rather than having impact on the events themselves. In the introduction, it seemed like she was going to play more of a role in influencing things. Maybe add an active element where she breaks up the King's basket? I do not know much about Shashthi though, maybe she would need the help of another god or goddess? I think you have a good idea here, and I enjoyed reading your story. Looking forward to seeing more!
Howdy Savannah,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really enjoy the style of your site. Your page looks really clean, while still keeps things interesting. Your introduction is really informative and definitely draws the reader in. I really liked the reskinning of the Venus de Milo painting- I had not seen that before and it really communicates a lot about your story. That specific painting sets the tone for your first story very well. Further, I really like the perspective you have taken with the stories coming from the perspective of the goddess herself. I think this allows a good deal of complexity to the tales as we are given a bit more insight into the variability of life. Having the stories come from what one would expect to be an omniscient source and then learning this source is unable to predict all that could affect her plan is really interesting. I’m excited to read more. Best of luck!
Hi Savannah,
ReplyDeleteYour cover photo is so beautiful! I love the color of it. I did think it was kind of odd that you have to click on the see comment wall here to just click the link. It may be a little less confusing. It also would be nice to have a description of the types of stories that we expect to see and know why you the author chose this topic. I like that you are doing it from a character’s perspective that is interesting. It is fun hearing about her anger in the intro about protecting her cat. It gives her as a character dimension. I also like hoe conceded she is. It is funny reading about a narcissist. You did a good job with the story. To be honest this was one of my least favorite stories we read in class. I definitely prefer your story over that one.
Hey Savannah! What a wonderful concept! To start with, the drop down menu for your comment wall was definitely unique. Have you considered using a button? Your introduction is very well written and was an excellent introduction to the narrator. I don't recall reading about Shashthi. Did I just miss her or did you learn about her outside of this class? The first person point of view really allowed the goddess' personality to come through. I definitely appreciated her dedication to her pet! I think it was nice that she did eventually forgive the poor girl. I know a lot of the greek gods and goddesses tend to hold grudges for a LONG time (*cough cough* Hera). Your first story was a wonderful adaptation to "Vyasa and Ganesha" and, in my opinion, was actually more fun to read. I can't wait to read more of your stories! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Savannah, This is such an interesting concept for a storybook! Right away just clicking to your storybook was amazing with the image you chose of the red and blue arch. It pops with color and energy and I already wanted to read and look at everything! The idea to use your goddess as the narrator is amazing and the picture you chose for the introduction was perfectly suited. Right away my eyes were drawn to the cat which is a large part of her story and you explained everything so well about the goddess that I understood your storybook concept and how you were going to tie everything together. For the Miraculous Birth of Satyavati I think the image is perfect, it is bright and eye-catching, it’s right at the top, and once you read along in the story, everything comes together well. It is such a great idea and I’m looking forward to more stories. The images are wonderful, and I think they really help your storybook. – Jillienne Kirkpatrick
ReplyDeleteSavannah,
ReplyDeleteI really like your storybook's concept. I think it is super interesting to learn about characters that I have not been introduced to in the readings I have done. Shashthi sounds like a really character. I really like how you set your book up. I love the image you chose as your banner image. It draws the eye in without distracting from the title of the work. I also like the pictures you used on the story pages. I think it is helpful for readers to be able to have a visual of what the characters look like. The introduction being in first person from Shashthi's point of view is a really fun way to hear these stories. I really enjoyed your story. It is a story that I was familiar with, but getting to hear Shashthi's side of it made it that much most interesting. Reading her thoughts and feelings in the story made her very personable.
Hello Savanna,
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with most of the people who have already commented, the picture you chose for the beginning of your blog is great. The setup of the blog is very well arranged! When you chose to be Shashthi and talk in first person, as her it makes it very fun to read because it starts to seem like it is actually her speaking and not you. You use great pictures throughout your blog, and it gives it more depth into the stories. Everyone likes to see pictures when they are reading, and you have done a great job so far on keeping an individuals’ attention. The flow of your stories matches well with one another and I like how you keep the stories never seem dull or like they drag on. If I was to give any advice, it would be to just keep up with your creativity! Good job.