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Births of the Mahabharata: Comment Wall



In the banner, Vyasa is narrating the events of the Mahabharata while Ganesha transcribes for him.
Banner Image Source: Vyasa and Ganesha

View my Storybook here: Births of the Mahabharata


Comments

  1. Hi Savannah,

    I like how your site is set up. The picture you chose for your title is gorgeous, and I like that it heads each page and the story is below it. I LOVE your introduction. Writing it like an author's note from Shashthi allows the audience to connect with the goddess as the storyteller, explains what the story book is about, and allows Shashthi to give a background of herself in an entertaining way. I suggest making the author's notes at the end of your stories from Shasthi. Maybe she could be a little sassy about how Vyasa tells the Mahabharata stories, since he cursed two of his own sons because their mothers were creeped out by the way Vyasa looked. My only suggestion for revision is to run your intro through Grammarly to help you catch your extra commas and sentence structure.

    Thanks for sharing! I'm bookmarking your page because I'm looking forward to your stories!

    -Eden

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  2. Hello Savannah,

    Interesting premise; I think this is the first story I read where it wasn't based on the Ramayana haha. Unfortunately, I don't know very much about the source material so I won't be able to offer any advice on the content. Since the source is something that most of us aren't very familiar with, I would suggest defining some of the newer terms, such as vahana. Also, everything is in past-tense but the last part in "After the sixth time her child was stolen from her, this woman FINALLY realized why her children kept being taken from her, she began begging me to forgive her" is written in present-tense. I suggest changing "began begging" to just "begged". I think that would help the sentence flow a lot more better. Anyways that's all the advice I have, hope I helped and good luck with the project!

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  3. Hi Savanna! You have created a great Introduction. I really enjoyed how you formed the Introduction as a letter. More so, I like how the story is told from Shashthi's perspective, which explains the title of the Storybook - "In the Eyes of Shashthi." When we place ourselves in another person's shoes we begin to think, feel, and see with new lenses. I think you did exactly this when you wrote from Shashthi's perspective. It was very creative of you to do that! There was only one part that as a reader I wanted a little more details about. You said, "Personally, I have plenty of experience in giving life as well as taking it away." Then you dive right into a story about an experience about taking life away. Would it be possible to explain a story about giving life too? If it is in the stories that you will explain stories about Shashthi giving life, maybe you could allude to that directly in the Introduction? It seems like in your last paragraph that Shashthi will be narrating stories of birth stories? Are these stories connected to her giving life? Overall, you have created an Introduction that pulls in the readers, so you have done a great job! I cannot wait to see what you do next when you create your stories! Keep it up!

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  4. Hi Savannah,
    I think it is a creative idea to tell your stories from the perspective of a goddess. The introduction was helpful in preparing me for the story, and established the premise well. I liked how the goddess was vengeful about her cat getting beat up on by the father. Going into the first story, I thought the choice to do Satyavati's story was a good move. I was wondering, what if you gave Shashthi more agency? She seems like more of a passive narrator rather than having impact on the events themselves. In the introduction, it seemed like she was going to play more of a role in influencing things. Maybe add an active element where she breaks up the King's basket? I do not know much about Shashthi though, maybe she would need the help of another god or goddess? I think you have a good idea here, and I enjoyed reading your story. Looking forward to seeing more!

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  5. Howdy Savannah,
    First off, I really enjoy the style of your site. Your page looks really clean, while still keeps things interesting. Your introduction is really informative and definitely draws the reader in. I really liked the reskinning of the Venus de Milo painting- I had not seen that before and it really communicates a lot about your story. That specific painting sets the tone for your first story very well. Further, I really like the perspective you have taken with the stories coming from the perspective of the goddess herself. I think this allows a good deal of complexity to the tales as we are given a bit more insight into the variability of life. Having the stories come from what one would expect to be an omniscient source and then learning this source is unable to predict all that could affect her plan is really interesting. I’m excited to read more. Best of luck!

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  6. Hey Savannah,
    I love your storybook so far! I really like that I get to learn more about Satyavati as I feel like I do not know too much about her. I love your style of writing it is so engaging and keeps the reader wanting more especially your intro. I am glad you're going off the beaten path and making it your own because so many people just retell stories and not even in a creative way!

    Honestly I think your storybook is coming along really well and I am excited to keep up with you and it. Maybe just some grammar and punctuation things lord knows i need all the help in that department too. Besides that keep up the great work and enjoy the rest of your semester. Also stay healthy and safe!

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  7. Hi Savannah,
    Your cover photo is so beautiful! I love the color of it. I did think it was kind of odd that you have to click on the see comment wall here to just click the link. It may be a little less confusing. It also would be nice to have a description of the types of stories that we expect to see and know why you the author chose this topic. I like that you are doing it from a character’s perspective that is interesting. It is fun hearing about her anger in the intro about protecting her cat. It gives her as a character dimension. I also like hoe conceded she is. It is funny reading about a narcissist. You did a good job with the story. To be honest this was one of my least favorite stories we read in class. I definitely prefer your story over that one.

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